February 4, 2020 by Dymphna

Truth Bomb: one thing my students don’t want to hear

Pretty woman closed her ears with hand

Truth Bomb Tuesday: I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but life has plans for you,

Ok, I’ve got some bad news for you. Are you sitting down?

This is the hardest thing I have to say to my students. I even hired an empathy coach to help me deliver the news in a more gentle way. My approach was a bit too “ball-tearing” apparently.

And we had a whole cross-fit regime worked out of jumping jacks and “I’m here if you need to talk”s.

But it didn’t help. It just doesn’t get any easier.

So I’m just going to come out and say it:

“This doesn’t end. Ever.”

I know. I understand. Take a moment to yourself if you need. Here’s a Kleenex. I’m here if you need to talk.

This doesn’t end. It never ends. You think you can see a finish line up ahead, but it’s just a mirage. Nothing more than a carrot dangling over your endlessly receding horizon.

There is no end. There is no completion point. There is no final victory. No point at which a bikini clad girl comes and lays a winner’s sash over your shoulders.

Nope. It just doesn’t end.

For many students this is a bitter pill to swallow. It’s hard to accept.

They want to believe that if they could just replace their income, or secure a decent nest-egg, they’d be able to relax. The “journey” would be over.

They really want to believe that with a just little bit more money and a little bit of work on their ‘abundance mentality’, life would just become easy. All their relationships would become easy and gracious. They’re love lives would become settled and contented while their sex lives would become saucy and fizzy.

And their knees would stop aching.

And look, money is awesome, I’m not going to lie. Creating graceful relationships or finding time to do the exercises the physio gave you becomes a whole lot easier when you have money to make it happen.

So money helps, definitely.

But it’s not the end.

I mean, I compare my life now to when I was an over-worked and under-slept single mum.

Life is better now, definitely. But I’m still on my ‘journey’. I’m still discovering nasty bugs lurking in the shadows of my psyche. My relationships with the hubby and with the kids still require time and energy. I’ve still got to unpack the dishwasher, and make time for yoga and the physio exercises.

I’m still working it.

Because there is no end point. Life is constantly challenging you. That’s probably what we’re here for I reckon – to learn and to grow. And so it just keeps coming.

And so if you’re coming to me because you hope that there’ll be a point where you can just relax and let everything go… you’re going to be disappointed.

That said, when I look at my life now and my life then, there is one big difference: stress. Back then, I was so stressed out about how I was going to support the kids and stay above the poverty line. I don’t miss that stress at all.

It’s a nasty business.

So yes, it is possible to elevate yourself above stress – to find a way to eliminate the worst excesses of it from your life.

But as for the journey – the journey of learning and growing into an ever-more-awesome version of yourself – well, that never ends.

Sorry to be the one to break it to you.