Truth Bomb Tuesday: Be direct. Be clear.
“I just wish my hubby was more affectionate.”
“You don’t think he loves you?”
“Oh no. He loves me. I know he loves me. He’s just not very touchy. I just wish he was more affectionate.”
“What happens when you ask him to be affectionate?”
“When I what?”
“When you ask him to be affectionate. You know. You know, when you say, hey love, would you mind giving me a foot-rub?”
“What, like ask him directly? What on earth are you talking about?”
I think my friend’s experience is pretty typical. And I’m not talking about foot rubs and affection specifically here.
I’m talking about the way that somehow we think it’s not ok to simply ask for what we want. That somehow that’s a crazy idea.
We have this idea, and Lord knows where it comes from, that the things that make us happy should just spontaneously and organically appear in our lives.
If we have to ask for them, it some how cheapens them. It makes them dirty. It takes away the ‘magic’.
Look, if I could shift just one idea in the many crazy ideas that humans hold in their heads, it’d be this one.
It’s ok to ask for what you really want.
Because we don’t do this. We don’t knock on the front door of our desires.
Either we try to sneak around the back – we drop hints, and play games and offer things in the hope they’ll be returned.
We try to ‘sneak’ our way into happiness.
Or we just sit on our hands like Cinderella, helplessly watching life go one with out, growing more bitter and more resentful every day of the life that never just plopped what you wanted in your lap.
Pfft. Grow up.
Sure, it’d be nice if everything we ever wanted just landed in our lap. It’d be great if our partners could telepathically anticipate our every need. But life is rarely like that.
No. part of growing up is taking responsibility for your life.
And that includes taking responsibility for your happiness.
To do that, we have to do two things.
First, we have to get in the habit of clearly naming what we want. We have to learn that it’s ok to want what we want, and it’s ok to announce that desire to the world.
Then we have to get ok with simply asking for what we want. We have to march right up to the front door of our desires and knock.
We have to say, this is what I want, and this is how I’m going to make it happen.
It is so strange just how much baggage and resistance there is around this simple idea.
To me, it’s just such a fundamental life skill. It’s a skill worth practicing.
Because if you’re not taking that responsibility and calling in the life of your dreams, then your life is just going to be random – full of random stuff.
And it will probably be ok.
But we are just capable of so much more joy and gratitude.