February 16, 2012 by Dymphna

Episode 10: How to get the BEST out of YOURSELF

  • High-level executive coach, Melissa Scott reveals how to break through the wall
  • Why self-sabbotage is something that we’ve all got and we need to understand it to kill it
  • Tips to reprogram yourself for maximum impact in all areas of your life
  • Why investment success is rarely achieved without a close, hard look at yourself

http://dymvideo.s3.amazonaws.com/ilove/20120214 – Melissa.mp3

* Oops, I did this podcast on the road. Sound levels are a bit off my normal excellent production quality… But content is great! Enjoy.

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Please remember that these are direct transcriptions. In the interest of getting this to you in a timely manner, grammer, punctuation and spelling have not been corrected.

Dymphna: Hey guys, it’s Dymphna here. Great to have you listening again. And I hope you’re listening to me on the train and in the taxis and while you’re out jogging and all that kind of stuff. I have a really special treat for you today because I was talking to my girlfriend the other day. Now she’s this amazing woman I’m going to tell you about in a minute. And we were talking about all the stupid little things that stop people from achieving. What holds us back? All of that silly mind chatter and the thing that stops us from picking up the phone and making that crucial phone call to get that deal or whatever it is. And I thought really you know we should be recording this. So what I thought I’d do is let’s have that conversation and again and this time I’ve got the recording button all on and I thought well you guys can listen in on our cup of tea chat that we had the other day.Now the amazing person that I was talking to was a lady by the name of Melissa Scott. Now she’s in the corporate world. She’s been in the private sector. She’s been out there helping some of the highest achievers in Australia, actually a chief success. And keep their goals and make things happens. She’s been doing it for longer than she cares to admit. And so we’re actually…so I’m going to introduce her. Now Melissa are you there?
Melissa: I’m here. I’m here. Absolutely am and I’m very excited. I don’t have a cup of tea I must admit. I forgot that bit.
Dymphna: You forgot the cup of tea. Goodness me. Well let’s get back to our conversation that we were having the other day. And how we were talking about, well when it comes down to it, actually talking about self-sabotage weren’t we.
Melissa: Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.
Dymphna: So with self-sabotage, can you just go into a little bit of the whole background thing of why we do this. I mean you know just about everybody that I can think or know, does it. And it’s silly. And sometimes you conquer your inner talk and you get over things and you make it happen and you get out there and everything runs smoothly and then you let this mind chatter crap take you over and everything seems like a brick wall. What’s the whole theory behind it?
Melissa: Okay, so you know it is fascinating, you’re right. It’s something that we all do and what I find fascinating is all the groups…you know I’ve had the privilege of catching hundreds of people all around the world. And a lot of my niche have been working with property investors and working in that niche of letting go of the sabotage because it doesn’t make sense consciously as to why we would do it. But you know sometimes we have to give ourselves a break and say well we’re human. You know we’re human and we have peculiarities and I think that you know big holidays is self sabotage and you know when we break it down and we look at it consciously we go into actually do something and we know that it’s something really good for us and we want to take these action steps. So why do we avoid that? Well why do we not take action when we normally should? Or why do we put our, we set our head in the sand? And there’s a lot of theory and practically would hard work that takes place. And from my practical experience in coaching people what I’ve discovered is that we really have to begin to understand the importance of the unconscious mind. So we’re got a conscious mind that it goes throughout the day and have about 50-60 thousand thoughts per day. But a lot of the thoughts it’s actually having are generated from a larger part of us, the unconscious mind. The part of us that’s responsible for blinking, breathing, running all of all our bodily functions.
Dymphna: Which we all need. We all that stuff too.
Melissa: We do. Yeah that’s pretty important. You’re right. And also it takes care of another really important part of us which is all of our emotional awareness, our emotional intelligence. And it’s common that store that has that they’re sitting accumulating our whole entire lives. So many of our beliefs get formed from a number of things. Past negative experience, insufficient information, childhood perspectives that aren’t quite right today. That’s a misinformed loved one with the best intentions. As that younger self and as that unconscious mind, we’re like a warehouse. We begin to store all of this information. Some of it is great and some of it is actually not in our best interest. Or it may be in our best interest 30 years ago but certainly not today in 2012.And so that’s kind of … I could talk about that, that stage between the between and the conscious and unconscious mind day. But in a nutshell, what we need to know is whenever we’re doing that that tells your behavior. What the underpinning part of that is there is some limiting beliefs that we’re holding onto that is might be something that property investing I think is fascinating because I get to coach a lot of people around. And they’ll say well Mel I really want to take action and move forward. And so I’ll these people a question like well what’s stopping you. And some people stare at me blankly and go I don’t know. But when you start coaching someone and you did a little deeper, you know they might come up with something well you know I’m really afraid. And we dig a little deeper and say well what of. What are you afraid of? Well I’m afraid that it won’t work. And I say what are you afraid of it that happens? And so we dig deeper and there might be something like this big fear of failure there. That they’re not conscious of. They’re not walking around recognizing that that unconscious fear is causing them to think differently, feel differently, make different decisions that ultimately totally affect their life’s trajectory. And that limiting belief that might be causing all of that might come from when they were seven or when they were eight. And so we’re not walking around… this is the thing I love so. We’re not walking around with a neon sign on our head saying hey I’m now breaking from that seven year old belief system. We don’t even realize it. Sometimes the other people do but they don’t necessarily know how to tell us.
Dymphna: You know I find this whole process really fascinating. Because I mean you know, I’ve done coaching with you and I know just how that really fast tracks things and how something that I don’t even know about. Something that ridiculous comes into my head. But after we’ve talked about it, it’s like well I don’t why or how but whatever I was trying do before that, I can do. And it’s easy and it just happens and it’s like why didn’t that happen before. I mean what’s this rubbish about something when I was six. What’s that got to do with anything?
Melissa: You know and when I’ve been doing all my corporate work and corporate gigs and thinking in that sort of professional arena. A lot of people **** in my water with their head around them because they’re like well half of my life today is effected by something I decided when I was six or seven. Well unfortunately we update and reprogram our cars and our computers and our furniture and our wardrobe. Like we wouldn’t wear something that we wore 35 years ago.
Dymphna: We couldn’t get into it Mel.
Melissa: But I believed you too like yeah imagine that. That would not be good look.
Dymphna: No it would not.
Melissa: But we do, we just can’t hang onto these things and we don’t know they are there. This is the thing you know; when we suffer in our world today I think we suffer from a lack of self awareness because we’re busy. We have a lot of things to do. We have a professional world to engage in, usually children to raise, bills to pay, money to make. So we’re not sort of brought up as a society. The talk here tonight how it relates. Well first of all the talk here tonight is to know what’s inside, like what are my beliefs and what are the things that I haven’t really dealt with. And then secondly the talk to let it go. And that’s why I fell in love with life coaching and **** coaching and do the whole business around it because for me that was like the crutch to everything. If I could find a way to support myself and other people to transform any limitation in any moment, then for me that was just like here’s my life’s work. This is what I’m going to do for forever because it excited me. It meant that we no longer had to hold onto limitations from the path that we didn’t even know were there. We just had to get self aware and have a desire to really. And because a lot of times people aren’t release their limitations because A they don’t want to admit it. Sometimes their ego gets in the way. Sometimes it might just be that they really don’t just know that this stuff is out there. So they’re not going to do something that they don’t even know about.But when I found out about it, when I saw how powerful it was and particularly the kind of coaching I do because you’re working with that unconscious domain. And when you make a change there, that’s when things like you say, they just, you go out into reality and all of a sudden you can do that thing that you couldn’t do before. And so it’s powerful. It’s really powerful.
Dymphna: You know I mean everybody can hear that this is your passion and this is your life purpose and all that kind of stuff. Tell us about some of those blockages in people. Now obviously don’t mention names or anything because I know you’ve worked with some really, really well notarized people around the world let’s say. And people in very high profile offices and in corporate world and all that kind of stuff. So you’ve really got the runs on the board from that perspective. But let’s no name any names. Just talk about some of the situations and what you did and what then happened because you get to see the whole thing. I remember as a kid you know, mum taught me how to knit and she taught me how to crochet. Now this is a dumb story. She taught me how to knit and she taught me how to crochet. I can do both. But knitting was so much slower. So I always like to prove I was going to have to do it. I had to crochet because I got a result quicker and I could see it and it was there and it was finished and I was like wow I did it. Now I can move onto something else. I relate that to what you do because you get a result and you see it and you see the changes like wow you know, I did that. And just tell us about some of that stuff.
Melissa: Yeah well you know you’re right. The thing I love about it is that, and this actually happened yesterday. I was talking to group in ****. There was a lady in the room and she kind of was listening to what I saying. I was talking about sabotage and you can address a situation, just something about in having a really quick change. And so she kind of says, well I’m finding it really hard to believe it’s **** change. I don’t really believe in it. And I said well would you like you know, let’s shift it. Let’s a limiting belief. What would you like to do with that? And is it serving you first of all. And she’s like no it’s not serving. I said so what happen if you just totally left that goal. Like let go of the beliefs that you can’t have change. Maybe other people but you can’t. And she said well I probably would, I would have the change that I’m looking for. And I said right. I said so why you holding onto this limitation that you can’t change? And she said a lot of people do this. They look up with these kind of guilty eyes. And she said well it’s kind of an excuse. It’s a bit of a comfort zone for me. Because if I believed I could really change then why haven’t I been changing all of these years. And everyone in the room smiles and it happens to be a bit of an awareness. And so anyway and so we go about and the whole group does and exercise on the process and during that sort of session and I go and talk to her. And she a real awareness as to why she hasn’t made change, a little bit deeper than what we just explored. And so at the end of, this lady that doesn’t believe in instantaneous change, doesn’t believe it’s possible for her really or anyone else. After she has just a couple of minutes of a new way of thinking, some powerful questions and I say to the group, so who had some really exciting change? Who experienced a change there? And before anyone in the room could put their hand up, she comes out and says oh I think everybody would have had an amazing change just then. You know something to that effect. And so everyone laughs in the room because a few minutes ago she didn’t believe change was possible.So that’s just the power in that moment. So it’s so quick to say well this is just a small example. There’s so many more that are really, because that’s a life changing moment for her to actually then believe in change for yourself. Imagine the freedom that gives to your whole world you know.
Dymphna: Yeah, it’s an amazing thing. I mean I know because I’ve experienced it myself and I as you know, I also know you get to a point where you go I recognize the blockage now which something earlier on I never recognized that I had a blockage or that I wasn’t breaking through or that my energy was up the creek. Or that I was actually self sabotaging. And that just makes…and then you’re sort of in this never, never land if you don’t recognize that you’re, everything is just hard. And that kind of reinforces the negative belief system that you have in the first place. So you’re kind of perpetuating your own downward spiral.
Melissa: Yes, exactly.
Dymphna: So when you go and get some, you learn some stuff. You know by the learn by ****. You go through some personal development. You work on things yourself and you focus on success and making things happen in your life. And that’s really what the whole education about everything is about. Then you recognize that you’re doing it. Now you may not necessarily have the tools to be equipped to actually change it. But that moment of recognizing that that’s what’s going on is like gold. Because what that means, you can now fix it. Because you can go to something, you can do all that kind of stuff. I go to you and we have a little thing and then I go out and I make another million dollars.
Melissa: I know it’s great. You know that’s what I love. Those are my moments. Like you know you said before getting to being at the advantage point of really seeing the before and after and it’s like that for me is nothing more exciting than seeing someone in their own world with a **** belief system and they’re accumulating like you said that inward and that downward spiral and then all of a sudden I can ask a series of questions that immediately, it literally creates a **** pathways. And all of a sudden your brain can’t do it the old way anymore and it just begins to have the recognition of self awareness. Get the support via that helps you to shift it and then you go into your reality and it’s like that, everything is different. Because what belief does, it will literally determine what you’re capable of seeing, hearing, feeling, experiencing in your world. That’s how powerful they are and that’s why my passion forever on the planet is do belief inventories. Get support. Have coaching alone that there is another way. And when you do, you just never turn back from that. It’s like coaching is an ongoing chore no matter what you do in your world or what your dreams or passions are. I think our world is missing that personal development. We should learn a new prep in grade one and grade two with that we learned geography. Which is good but it’s not going to transform my life.
Dymphna: Well you can use it but yeah. I totally I agree with you. You’ve got to… to have that kind of depth of enlightenment really and that depth of command of ourselves and the power that we have in this very complicated body that we walk around in, it’s an amazing thing. And no, we aren’t equipped to deal with it because you go back, and perhaps I’m slightly older than you, but you go into your teenage where our parents and grandparents and things like that. This kind of talk wouldn’t have ever even been ever spoke about. It’s just not something that was talked about. It’s not something that was even thought through. So actually making a change and doing something to correct these negatives belief systems that we have, was never even talked about or considered or it was just so far out of their paradigm it didn’t exist.
Melissa: You’re absolutely right. And that is often times when you’re coaching someone and that sort of belief system, it’s not only just something that they’ve picked up on. It might have been something that their father and their grandfather and the great grandfather all believed. And so you literally sometimes born into a belief system. And that might be a belief system around poverty for example and working harder. I worked with a beautiful man yesterday and he was born into that kind of reality where they were poor and you had ****. And if you didn’t work hard in some way the kind of the innuendo was you weren’t really either a good person or you weren’t valuable. If you weren’t working like 16 hours a day. And so here’s this man, many, 50 years down the track and he’s got the opportunity to pursue the paradigm of property investing and to replace his income and to have a profitable and enjoyable life. And he says to me I know I’m sabotaging that because the younger part of me, the little child in me wants to please my family still. And we’ve all got things like that. We’ve all got them sitting in our kind of unconscious wardrobe waiting to be addressed, waiting to be recognized, released so that we can actually be in 2012.
Dymphna: Yeah. You know you mentioned there a little bit before something about neuro pathways. Now I know what that means but I think you should explain that a little bit more.
Melissa: Yes so basically what we know now with quantum physics is that every time we have a particular thought and we think that thought enough, it literally creates its own neuro pathway in neurology and impact on our body and our body chemistry. And so if you think a thought and a lot of times we have a lot of opportunity to do that. Say it’s a limiting thought. Something about yourself. I don’t deserve to be, well you’re not good enough, well you’ve had that generational belief system in viewed in you. Then it literally skews your interpretation of your vision. And even if there was an amazing opportunity or potentiality out there. Say you’re reading a newspaper and in that newspaper there’s something that could potentially transform your life. Your eyes, your brain, you wouldn’t have the capacity of the neurology to even see it. Now I know that sounds a little bit kind of esoteric but we’ve got the quantum physics now that validate that what we are perceiving in our reality is perception. It’s interpretation and it’s based on our internal filters, the primary one of which is our belief systems. And there is some great information out there these days. It depends on how technical you want to get. For me, I’m not into getting highly technical. I just want the skill that’s going to transcend so I can have some transformation and I can have an altered trajectory in my life in a different reality.
Dymphna: Yeah. You know there’s a lot of ways that you can get all of that technical information, some of its pretty heavy. I’ve actually read a lot of that stuff. And it is, some of it is really quite heavy and some of it is quite out there and that kind of stuff. But it is something that I encourage all of you to learn a little bit more about.I want to tell you a story. I actually had an experience recently which really validated what you just said there about creating those neuro pathways. I have always said and thought that as a child I was incredibly lucky because my parents always gave me the belief system that I could do anything I wanted if that’s what I put my mind to and stuck at it. So I’ve grown up with that and throughout my life in lots of different things. Everything from pistol shooting to athletics to business. I’ve applied that. But I actually had a validation of that which was just beautiful about; oh it was Christmas time when our family gets together and that kind of stuff. And I met up with one of my nieces who I hadn’t seen for ever and ever. Long, long time ago. And she had just achieved a big promotion and bonus and she was doing so well in what she was doing and I was congratulating her and all the rest of it. And she looked at me and she got these really big eyes. And she said, I owe it all to you. I said what, don’t be ridiculous. I’ve had nothing to do with what you’re doing. That was all you. And she said I remember and it was before I went to school she was saying. So she must have been like four maybe. She said I remember sitting on your knee because we used to play games together. And I wouldn’t have been that old. I can’t exactly say I was the old wise woman or anything. But she used to… I remember knocking around with her. And she said I used to sit on your knee and I remember you saying to me and she said you got all serious and you said to me don’t you ever let anybody tell you, you can’t do something. You just get out there and you make it happen. You can do anything you want if you put your mind to it. And it was like, I just about burst into tears. Those words to a four year old meant so much.
Melissa: They do. That is a lot of changing message. And you know when you were saying that I just go tingles through my whole body because to give a child at the most precious years of child’s life and that knowledge and information, you were a wise woman. You are a wise woman and that’s a role model in our world. And that’s why you are so popular. In our world we do amazing **** property investing and you’re amazing in the mind. Yes, it’s your mind, your intelligence, it’s all of that. Your expertise. The fact that you’ve done it and here is also….
Dymphna: I’m not going to be able to get walked out of this room shortly with all of these compliments.
Melissa: If it wasn’t inherent you do ease that beautiful, this is an example of a beautiful belief system that’s been passed onto you. Because as much as today we’re talking about shifting and limiting ones. It’s also about sharing those amazing ones. Being told that you can do anything that you want and put your mind to and then what happens that foyer of **** and you when you were a child. When you had it and all of a sudden you created in your own pathway that name validates and allows you to go out into your reality and that quantum level begin to attract and resonate with examples and experiences of that in your life. So yeah, that’s a beautiful story.
Dymphna: Yeah, it was pretty cool. Look we’re talking about changing things and limiting beliefs. Give us some tips. What should we do? How do you go about this? Do affirmations works? Does writing work? What do we do?
Melissa: Well you know what, there are so many things that we can do. And this thing, I think the first step is really just knowing, how the awareness from beginning, like just even knowing that you can change your belief systems. That was really my first bit epiphany is going is you know, I’m not stuck with any limitation. So it doesn’t matter what’s going on in my reality. It doesn’t matter what I think, what I’ve been through, what I’ve experienced. Because a lot of people have had a lot of crappy stuff. I can change. So that first one I think is very important. Absolutely things of that, formations and visualization, getting a great coach, having coaching for me, I will have a coach until the day that I die, maybe the day before I die or something. My last little coaching before I leave the planet. Because I value it so much and it’s changed my life like who I am today. How I am in the world and the business that I run. It never would have been possible with the old Melissa who grew up with a lot of limitation. So I guess I loved basically changing something because I had a lot of to do. I had a lot to relate. I had more than a lot.And so in terms of some tips to work through that, it is about recognizing that you can do it. Starting to get really honesty because change can’t actually happen. We can’t change belief systems if we’re not willing to share them. So sometimes their ego gets in the way and we don’t, like you were saying back with the old generations. People never used to talk about this stuff what was going on for them, how they really felt. But you have to actually start talking about it so that you can become aware of how you are feeling. Because if you know that you can change it, anything, why wouldn’t you just naturally talk about it, get support. And talking it out sometimes and a cup of tea with a girlfriend, can actually change your life. We don’t actually always have to have paid coaching. And so and beginning to ask right questions. Often in life we’re guilty of asking poor questions. Why am I stuck with this? Why am I on downward spiral? Why won’t my life change? Well if you ask a poor question, your unconscious mind that compresses to three billion bits of information, it’s going to give you 2-3 million bits of evidence of why things are crap. And if you start off asking very questions like how can I turn this around? Like first of all, what do I believe about this? About property investing, about wealth, about this obstacle. What do I believe? You start to ask yourself that. Well I believe that it’s, and you’ll get answers. And the more you start asking, answers come.
Dymphna: Can I just stop you there?
Melissa: Yeah.
Dymphna: Can I stop you there? What you have said then is that’s just like enlightenment stories here. Because asking good questions to me is absolutely fundamental. When we …you know we are hard wired to be problem solvers. Our bodies, everything. If we have a problem, our conscious, our subconscious, our body goes about trying to fix it. You get yourself a piece of paper, your body goes about trying to away. It was a pain and fix it and heal and whatever else.
Melissa: Absolutely.
Dymphna: But that permeates through absolutely everything. So what, and this really comes down to what I talk about which is your peg in the sand. Where’s your peg in the sand? Where’s your goal? What do you want to achieve? What do you want to make happen? And I tell my audiences, you know that is the hardest thing that you will ever have to do because for most people you get this really vague wafflely answer back financial freedom. But they got no idea what that actually means for them. So you got to narrow it down and how much passive income and out of what kind of areas and what kind of properties. Because that’s obviously my field. But they ability to be able to get them to really go that’s what I want. How can I get it? Now you’re got a good question. Do you know what I mean?
Melissa: I love that. That’s awesome.
Dymphna: Yeah, it’s huge. And be really, really specific.
Melissa: Yes, absolutely because being specific, the unconscious mind loves that. Because if you said you have to punch smart. How can I create more money today? That’s a good question. But it will tell you how you create five cents. You’ll probably find that in the bottom of one of your handbags. But if you’re like you’re saying, you want that passive income of $200,000 every year, that’s a different question and you’re going to get a different answer. And that answer is going to require you know absolutely. Because changing your beliefs doesn’t mean that’s all you need to do. And I’m just hairy fairy about this. With them saying, well now what’s my practical steps? What actions must I take? What will I do differently? Now I’ve got my new belief system that I know that it’s possible. I know that it’s achievable and I’ve never done it before so find a great mentor and role model. A lot of NLP coaches is about getting all the ships in awareness and sabotaged released and then going out into your world and getting people to agree at what they do and then finding out how they do that. And along the way continuing to release obstacles that come up. Because often people they’ll come and have coaching with me and they’ll think oh you know, I’ve done it. That’s all I need to do. And I’m honest with them. I say you know what; I pretty much work on releasing something my life and in myself on a regular basis, at least weekly. And that’s you know I’m passionate about it. Not everyone is going to do it that often. But it needs to be regularly because we do our cars, like I said we do it to our computers. We’re regularly doing other things, regularly this is your mind and your body. They’re the master mind tools we have. So we want to optimize them. Get the anti virus, the anti sabotage going.
Dymphna: Update the software.
Melissa: It’s important. It’s really important. And sometimes we will look at like life gets busy or we think that we can do it on our own. That’s another big one. And one that I certainly I have, I used to think you had to do everything on your own. And that’s part of the ego. You know the ego wants to look good, be right and know it all. And so that’s often in conflict with us living a fulfilled life. Getting help and having an amazing support team in our world.
Dymphna: You know something else that I think people really need to acknowledge in themselves is not to beat themselves up. Not to beat yourself up about a past mistake or a particular circumstance or whatever else. Because we stand here today with whatever we’ve got. Our assets, our car that we drive, the house that we live in, the friends that we have, all those sorts. Directly as a result of every decision we’ve made up to this point in time. Now, why that’s incredibly, incredibly empowering is because what that means is that every decision you make from here on will directly determine the house you live in, the car you drive, the friends you, the fulfillment you have, the health you have, everything in a years time, in 12 months time, in two years time, in whatever. But people get kind of stuck at that now point and they carry forward the baggage of, and the feeling of perhaps some bad decisions or some not so good decisions that they’ve made in the past. And they get all hung up on what happened in the past. When in reality, even statistically, what happened previously has absolutely no bearing on what’s going to happen next.
Melissa: Yeah absolutely. Yes, and that, you’re raised something really, really critical here because that’s the emotional baggage that often clouds our thinking and makes us make crappy decisions again. So the best thing to know if you’ve made a mistake you’re human. Thank God you did because you wouldn’t actually be where you were without those mistakes. And so I really value. I look back on my life and there are things that I’m not proud of in a lot of areas of my life. But I can look back now with passion and allows to me that I was back then because I was doing the best that I could do with those limiting beliefs. And so as soon as I got that I had such a great in saying it’s so much luck rush. Get that limiting belief. Let that go. And sometimes it’s not; you’re not going to necessarily learn to learn to do that overnight if it was a particular bad decision. But this is why we do coaching because we want to let go of that anger or the guilt or the frustration or the, just the whatever it was that caused that be there in the first place. The emotional release is equally important and very connected into the belief. So the shift to belief, anytime I do a belief relates to sabotage release, I’m always; you see to get an emotional reaction to my client. Sometimes that’s relief. Sometimes that just crying. It’s just some awareness the emotional energies in our body. And I always say to people let it move through you and because like you said, you release that decision and then all of a sudden your whole changes, the car, the people, the places, the things what you do and who you are in the legacy that you leave and on the planet is completely altered every time you make those positive new **** choices. And your life wouldn’t be what it is. This is what I love about my life. It wouldn’t be what it is today. I wouldn’t be who I am. I wouldn’t know what I know unless I went through those limitations. And they were important. They were valid. And then you can let it go. If you get the learning behind it, you can let anything go.
Dymphna: Yeah. I think one of the big things in my life that really is a pure example of that is for many of you know I took on a partner many years ago who is a financial planner who stole money from two clients. And I took the decision to pay that money back to the clients and borrow against my practice even though legally I probably could have got out of it and I could have gone bankrupt and all these other things that people were telling me to do. I chose not to do that. Even though at the time it was $554,000 and that was a lot of money to me back then.
Melissa: Yeah, wow.
Dymphna: It was the right thing to do and it was also, it was the worst thing that possibly happened in my life at that point in time. But looking back now, I would not be doing what I’m doing now. I wouldn’t be on this on recording talking to a whole lot of people. I wouldn’t be teaching asset protection. I wouldn’t have replaced my income. I wouldn’t have gone on and done all the things that I’ve done, had that not happened.
Melissa: Absolutely.
Dymphna: And even it horrid and revolting.
Melissa: Some horrid things turn out to have really good, happy endings.
Dymphna: And whether it be that or the first marriage whatever. There is always a learning out of it. There is something good that you can take away from it if you get that learning. You don’t have to do it again.
Melissa: Exactly. That’s something that I love the most about coaching is that I see a lot of people with unconscious patterns. And if they’re left untouched, they would just replicate that, would have like woman that have been in relationships, bad relationship for about six or seven times and they want to blame it on the men. They want to make it all about them. It’s never about anyone else. It’s always about ourself and our belief systems and our story and what we need to do to shift and change and rearrange who we are so that we can actually go out and attract a different situation and say no to crappy ones and put in place boundaries that actually prioritize ourselves. Because if we feel worthy and good enough and we’re able to transcend on those limitations that a lot of people have, then we make better decisions. We allow good into our life in a way that just changes who we are.
Dymphna: Yeah. So let’s get back to those tips. What else can we do?
Melissa: Okay so what else we can do, so definitely asking those better questions. That’s really a K1 and checking in with yourself. Like if you’re going to a belief, if this belief going to get me to my outcome. Usually it’s going to be no. So something to think about. Well what would I like to believe instead. What has somebody who’s got what I’m wanting to get or is doing what I’m wanting to do is feeling what I want to feel, what is it that they would be believing. And what would happen if I started believing that. But all belief is just that reinforced ****. So then what would happen if my life moved forward a year or two years with that new belief system? And then all of a sudden when you ask yourself or a coach asks you those questions that you start to think about things in a completely new way and you start to imagine things and seeing, hear and feel this new possibility that your brain with the previous limitation, it never went there. It never thought of that possibility. And so that’s a really good one. Just getting the alteration in what you’re asking and what you’re focusing about. You have to be fed with how it has been. So you’ve got to have a desire to change things. You’ve got to know the voice that you’ve got is not serving you. And really start getting see what the cause that’s been holding onto that. Really have that awareness around you.
Dymphna: Can I tell you something here and I think I actually stole it from you initially but I want the guys to hear it and you might forget to say it. Whenever there is a change coming on, there’s a number of levels of triggers that people can have. And the first trigger financially because that’s the easy thing. I talk about that. You talk about relationships all sorts of things. But for me it’s all about the money. It’s all about the success and getting because that’s my field. That’s my training. That’s where I can add a lot of value. You get a little feeling about oh you know I think I should be doing something more and I really should be getting out there and getting myself some financial security and paying down some debts and having some passive income and you get that feeling. Now we call that a feather. A little feather, it touches your cheek. It’s like okay listen to the feather. Make it happen. Go through the pain. Just listen to the feather, do that. And then of course if you don’t listen to the feather, you get the paper cut. And your paper cut, it hurts your finger and it hurts. And you have pain. But the pain is like you got all these bills coming at once and the car tire blows up and you’ve got to replace the frig and you might loose your job. Maybe that’s a bit more heavy than that but it might be like a boss gets replaced at work and you don’t like the boss. And it’s like I’ve got to do something about this. I’ve got to get out there and get more financial security behind me so I’m not caught in this have to, have to decision making process all the time. And then of course you don’t listen to the paper cut. You end up having the brick. And the brick hits you around the head and it’s like you get an illness, there’s a family incident. You loose your job and really it starts to be really, really painful. Now that incident I told you about with the financial planner, that was a brick. You know that was like massive brick in the head. And if I go back and really analyze what happened in the lead up to that, I could have listened to the feather. But I didn’t. I didn’t. But still I learned from that now.
Melissa: Yeah absolutely. I think you’ve raised something really, really important there. These lily **** punches that we have and the awarenesses that are guiding us on a daily basis that the logical mind sometimes gets in the way of it and because we’re not listening to that and we’re not actually responding and taking the action. And like you said, it tends to get worse and worse and worse. And so to know that you at any stage, you can actually put your hand up and get help and look at something in a completely new light. And then all of a sudden things don’t get worse. They don’t go down that pathway that downward spiral. Because the moment you have a new thought about it, the moment you get empowered you start to feel better. You think better. You’re more at the top of your game and you going to see things differently and the thought comes to you differently. And so it really is I think just about doing everything and you’ve had to get the right kind of support behind you. It’s like in your game, in the property investing game; you have the best professionals around you. You get the best accountant, the best financial planner. You do all those tings because that makes sense to do it. And it’s the same with our emotional intelligence. We’ve got to be willing to get that kind of support that is going to help us get rid of all the things we need to get rid of and to not have to get the brick. And to learn from…and the other thing that sometimes we get to the brick point because it’s not because we’re silly. It’s not because of any of those things. It’s usually just because we don’t know how to reach out for help and we don’t necessarily particularly 20 years ago, there weren’t really coaches around to go to so we didn’t have that support available. So now that we do, it’s just saying, let’s get everybody the right kind of support and things will change. And then to remember it’s not instant always. You can have large process things on fault. Things that come that are out of the blue. Financial crisis and stuff like that that you don’t plan for if you’re strong. It’s like if you work out and do professional training your body is strong. If you have an injury, you going to recover more quickly if you had that expertise. And it’s the same with all the stuff in your life. We get that happen and get out there better and quicker and faster if we’ve got expert stuff on our side.
Dymphna: Yeah, and that whole process of being aware that you’re doing this stuff. Like that’s massive. It’s absolutely massive that you recognize it and then you can go down the road of actually making that happen. Any other tips for us?
Melissa: Okay, what do I have? Look probably the biggest tip I think that really help with the latest changing is to make time for yourself in your life. What really go wrong all the time is we get very, very caught up in life being busy, with more technology today it’s easy to be busier than ever and to be people pleasing than we ever do. And so I think if we want to have the opportunity to have a great life, a great property portfolio and great all the other things, we actually had to take time for ourselves. Again, it’s a little bit like shifting our belief systems. We’ve got to fuel ourselves. Whether that’s meditation for some people, relaxation and the guy that going out for a game of golf. Not putting off those things, not waiting until we get somewhere to do those other things. That having that balance in your life and if you have the balance I believe that you’re not going to get the brick. You’re going to pick it up with a feather because you’re going to be more likely to listen than to see it, to be heard. So that’s another really important one that I think helps people to start looking at their life differently.
Dymphna: Right. I’ve actually got an event coming up at the end of the year which is the real estate millionaire within. And we’re going to be going through a lot of these types of things. And of course you’re going to be there.
Melissa: Of course.
Dymphna: And everyone can come and have a listen to you speak and you’re going to walk out of there a different person I can tell you. So I’ve got that coming up at the end of the year. But you’ve got a lot of stuff going on as well. I mean you’ve written an amazing book by the name of The Billionaire Buddha. And that’s got a lot of tips and help and things to think about and get you really kind of thinking in the right kind of pathway to make that happen. And your website there is Equinox Coaching. Is that right?
Melissa: Yes, so it’s Equinox Life Coaching. And you’re right, like that passion I had all those years ago, it’s turned, it’s been channeled quite creatively into books and CDs and I do some one on one coaching. When I get time for that. And I have a lot of events and trainings. I train people to become life coaches and to learn to do what I do, the way that I do it. And I also, for the women out there around really amazing retreat, a three day retreat which are all about doing that personal relates work with transformation but getting a lot of pampering and having a lot of fun as well. And taking away a system that they can use to support themselves so that they don’t get so stressed and tired and burnt out and all of that. So that’s also something that I…
Dymphna: I want to see you do one of those for the men as well, or at least an open group.
Melissa: Yeah, well that one’s called the Allotment **** Retreat so I’ll have to come up with a new name to let the hubbies come along. Because I’m sure they want to come along as well you’re right.
Dymphna: It could be Hey Dude, Make it Happen.
Melissa: Okay, all right, I’m on to it.
Dymphna: So I encourage everybody to jump on Melissa’s website there of Equinox, A Life Coaching. And buy the Billionaire Buddha book. It’s absolutely fabulous. Get some of his CDs. It’s got some great affirmations and meditation CDs that you can start to get your head in the right spot. And really start to get these things really happening for yourself. Melissa, you are fabulous and I always get totally enthused and inspired when I speak to you. And when we do coaching sessions together I never quite know what kind of person I’m going to walk out the other side but it’s always better. It’s always good. So thank you so much for coming on the call and talking to everybody and being part of this, our little chat room that we distribute around to everybody. Any parting words for the guys?
Melissa: Parting words is to let yourself imagine what your life would be like without those limitations that you’ve been holding on to. Like to imagine the kind of life you would be able to live. The quality of relationships, the amount of financial freedom you’d be able to have, really have if you weren’t carrying around those limitations. They’re too real. We can’t do surgery and pluck them out but we can do coaching and let them go. You can let them go. You can live a life without limitation. It doesn’t matter who gave the limitation to you, where you acquired it, what trauma occurred that brought that. None of that matters. What matters is that we can be present in 2012 and we can absolutely live an inspirational life around purpose and we’re doing what we absolutely love on a daily basis. Because that is what we’re actually on the earth to do. So with that limitation, we are free to do that. So I encourage you to want to get started about that. And to get into respective, be willing to examine your life and put the pegs in the sand and do what you need to do to create it.
Dymphna: Oh thank you dear. Think of those wonderful, wonderful inspirational words to everybody. And guys as you know, I will be back again to talk to you real, real, soon. Thank you so much Melissa for being on the call. And we’ll talk to you again real soon.
Melissa: My pleasure.